there will always be room for your hand in mine
by Wiltedrose.19
Summary: Written for the Day 1 prompt of the 30 Day OTP challenge: Hand Holding


_"Sometimes, all a person needs is a hand to hold_

 _and a heart to understand."_

* * *

It's the little things that Lily does that really gets James' heart racing. When he puts his arm around her and she snuggles closer to him, when she scrunches up her nose when concentrating on a particularly difficult spell (and somehow still manages to be cute), when she laughs and James feels as if a choir of angels have come down to serenade him…you get the point. The poor bloke is absolutely smitten.

But what really does him in, what makes his heart practically leap out of his chest, is when she holds his hand. He practically relishes in the feel of her tiny hand engulfed in his much larger one, as if the two hands were made for each other with how perfect they fit together (not that James would ever mention this to the other Marauders or, Merlin forbid, Lily, because they would make fun of him for weeks and that would totally ruin his bad boy reputation).

The first time Lily held his hand was in potions class in second year. Of course, that was a complete accident seeing as they were both reaching for a couple of lacewing flies and their hands met. Lily was not paying much attention and had grasped James' hand, thinking it was the aforementioned ingredient and quickly pulled back her hand, spluttering an apology and a slight blush on her cheeks.

James credits that as the moment that his Lily obsession really took off. He was so dazed by the dainty feel of her hand in his that for a second, he didn't hear the snickers of Sirius and Peter who had noticed James sporting a blush on his own cheeks. Desperate to show his friends that he was not some lovesick teenage girl, James turned to Lily and grinned, "If you wanted to hold my hand so bad, Evans, all you had to do was ask."

He immediately regretted it when the pretty blush she had been sporting due to embarrassment turned a deeper red due to anger. The whole class looked over at the two and giggled at James' sly remark while Slughorn remained completely oblivious to the interaction taking place in his class.

"Don't flatter yourself, Potter. I'd rather touch a hundred blast-ended skrewts before I's ever intentionally hold your hand," Lily remarked and turned back to her potion. She began hunching herself over her potions textbook and was currently using her hair to shield her face from view, but James saw the angry rise and fall of Lily's shoulders as she tried to take calming breaths. And that was it.

They didn't hold hands again until their sixth year, when Lily found James in the deserted Common Room in the early hours of the morning.

"Potter, what are you doing up? We have classes in the morning and it's currently 3 am."

"I could ask you the same thing, Evans," said the mop of messy hair cuddled in a blanket on the couch closest to the dying fire. Immediately, Lily realized that James' retort lacked it's usual playfulness. No matter how annoyed with him she usually is, she couldn't leave him like this when he clearly seemed troubled. And was that sniffling she heard? Was James Potter, Hogwarts' Golden Boy and the boy never seen without a smile gracing his face, actually crying?

"Potter," Lily tried to say but he interrupted her. "Please just leave me alone, Lily," he said somberly. She knew whatever had happened had to have been truly devastating for him to refer to her on a first name basis. Wanting to help the boy in front of her, but knowing he would just interrupt her if she tried to speak, Lily simply grabbed his hand and said nothing. He looked up at her, shocked at what was happening because 'holy shit, actual Lily Evans is holding my hand voluntarily'. She offered a weak smile and squeezed his hand, waiting for some reaction from him. He simply squeezed her hand back and turned back to the fire, letting silent tears cascade down his face as the young girl gently rubbed a soothing thumb over his knuckles.

She held his hand as his silent tears turned into gut-wrenching sobs. She held his hand as she embraced him, rubbing her unoccupied hand up and down his back and whispering soothing words into his ear. She held his hand all through the early morning. Never once did she let go. Never once did she ask what was wrong and prod into his life. She simply just held his hand in comfort and James fell deeper in leave as each second ticked by. He realized that in that moment, his childish obsession with Lily had developed into such a deep love and care for the Gryffindor girl that he knew he needed to make her his.

As the sun rose, James wiped his face and stood up, stretching his back from being on the uncomfortable couch all night. He turned and faced Lily with a soft smile. "Listen, Lily. I…I really appreciate…this," he stumbled, hoping to find the right words and not make a complete prat of himself as he usually tends to do. "Of course, P-James," Lily corrected herself. "Listen, I'm here if you ever need someone to come to. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, of course. But, just…if you need a sense of comfort and don't feel like talking…I'm here for you." The two smiled shyly at each other before gathering their things and heading up to their respective dorms to get ready for the day.

At that moment, as much as Lily hated to admit it, she realized that maybe James Potter was actually human under all those layers of cockiness and cheekiness and that maybe, just maybe, she could stand being his friend.

After that, Lily noticed how the messy haired boy seemed to mature a bit. The pranks were still a constant, but no one was being seriously harmed any more and they weren't too cruel. The constant date proposals came to a stop, and though Lily was happy, she couldn't help the strange feeling that built up in her gut when she realized James was no longer constantly vying for her attention.

A couple days after the hand-holding incident, James stumbles into the Common Room clothed in black dress robes and sporting shaky hands. Lily's head shot up and she excused herself from the third year she was tutoring. For the second time in a week, Lily Evans held James Potter's hand and began whispering words of comfort into his ear. Once in the safety of the boys dormitory, which was thankfully empty, James collapsed on his bed and stared at the ceiling with a blank look on his face.

Of course Lily knew what happened; news travels fast among the Hogwarts students. An explosion had occurred in Diagon Alley thanks to a group that called themselves the Death Eaters and had injured several people, and killed two. One being some lady Lily never heard of, and the other being Euphemia Potter. She looked down at the boy who was sporting a vacant, empty look in his eyes and knew he was probably all cried out. She once again reached for his hand and let him clutch onto it for dear life as she found a random book on his nightstand and began reading it, letting James mourn in silence.

As the school year wore on, James and Lily slowly became friends. James always tried to find ways to make Lily hold his hand; it was like a drug to him. Lily actually found it quite endearing, though she would never admit this to anyone. James would try tricks such as holding his hand in a fist and saying "hold this" to Lily before placing his hand on top of hers and uncurling his fist to lace their fingers together. She would laugh and swing their arms back and forth a few times before letting go and continuing their conversation as if nothing happened. The feeling James got when their hands touched was like no other. He felt as though his whole body was on fire and he never wanted it to stop.

When he asked Lily to be his girlfriend in seventh year and she held his hand, that was all the confirmation he needed. From then on, it was as if his hand never left hers. Sirius found it sickening but Peter and Remus demanded that it was endearing. "Sirius," Lily said one day. "You're just jealous he's holding my hand and not yours." Sirius was so offended, he sulked for two days before begging for forgiveness. James made sure to hold Sirius' hand when the latter came back, but James knew nothing would ever compare to the feeling of Lily's in his.

James never told Lily why hand holding meant so much to him until the night of their wedding while the two shared their first dance. As he grabbed her hand and lead her to the dance floor, he couldn't help but marvel at her beauty and wonder how they came so far from the two children who never got along in their early school years. As he held her close to his chest, he told her all about how when she first held his hand, his heart almost flew from its chest and into his potion from the sheer force it pumped at. How he wished he hadn't mucked things up after that exact moment. How her holding his hand after his mother passed meant so much to him because she didn't ask what was wrong, she just held his hand lovingly (though she didn't know it yet) and comforted him for hours. How holding her hand made him feel safe and loved and that nothing could ever come between them.

Lily leaned up on her toes and gave James a soft peck on the mouth before taking their entwined fingers and placing a gentle kiss on each of his knuckles. Lily placed her head on her husband's chest and smiled at the sound of his heartbeat going slightly faster than it should when she tightened her grip on his hand.


End file.
